Cupcakes Taste Like Violence
by koishii-tenshi
Summary: Lucius Malfoy is regal. Lucius Malfoy is an ex-death eater. Lucius Malfoy was a spy for the Order. Lucius Malfoy was... a victim? Follow Malfoy senior as he goes through the trials and issues of life after the dark lord, while trying to find self love.
1. Chapter 1

_**(Hiya all! Koishii_Tenshi here! Thought I'd try m hand at a Harry Potter Story! Woohoo! Umm, this is a reply to the Cupcake Challenge by **__**MopCat**__** in the Harry Potter Fanfiction Challenges Forum… hope you enjoy!) **_

_**cupcakes taste like violence 1**_

Winter breaks were fast approaching, and Lucius Malfoy was rather in a bad mood at the prospect of his son traipsing around the manor with his imputent little peons… and Potter. He wasn't quite sure _how_ they'd become into amiable terms, but he supposed that there was really nothing more that he could do… even if it meant that he'd have to play nice, and like he actually spent time in that dreaded manor.

He chuckled darkly to himself, slinging an arm over his closed eyes.

He, Lucius Malfoy, so pitiful he was that he allowed himself to be treated in such a negative manner within his own manor, and was such a coward that he couldn't even face up to it and learn to deal with the stress of the situation without shying away.

And now he was speaking in circles within his own mind…

He sighs, shaking his head, and running his hands through hair that was perhaps a bit too long as it was to the point of mid back at this point, before he stood from his bed in the darkened hotel room in the muggle realm, preparing himself to face up to what he'd been avoiding.

Sighing once more, he forces himself to take things one step at a time. He showers, he dresses, he eats, he brushes his teeth, he combs his hair, he places on his boots… he shakily shudders as he stands and hesitates to bring his hand to the door, to open himself up to the outside world once more.

Taking that final leap, he places his well-practiced mask back into place, and heads out and down the stairs with the confident steps of one who has always been entitled the world.

Standing at the main counter, he inclines his head stiffly in response to the greeting that he received, holding out his key, his small piece of magically enhanced luggage in hand.

"Malfoy, checking out," he says in the tone he'd perfected since times as a child, times of pretending and masks that never ceased to haunt him.

"Thank you mister Malfoy for your patronage," The buxom woman behind the counter offers a bit too friendly for his personal preferences, and he turns to head out.

Going to the safe house behind the small bank across the street, he apparates to the Malfoy manner, seeing it just as pristine as it has always looked, though, when he closed his eyes, his mind wound him through the complex hallways and hidden passages to show him all of his faults.

Sighing once more, and deciding that was the first thing he'd have to work on, Lucius heads up the stairs towards his personal quarters, a house elf apparating to inform him that the preparations he requested had been made, and checking on his well being.

He smiles at the small creature, the same one who used to nurse his wounds when he was a young child, and the only one he would offer freedom if it ever seemed necessary, or desired, and dutifully tried to put on the act that they both knew all too well was easily seen through.

He was not alright, but he'd have to learn to pretend again, now wouldn't he?

Voldemort was dead. He'd been so for about a month now, and the last battle still shook a heavy hurt for the wizarding world.

He had been fortunate that his involvement with the ministry had been something viable, and not a trap, or he'd have landed in Azkaban, though he wasn't quite sure himself if he wasn't better off there. Better off away from the place of his past.

Shaking his head once more, he laid down on the bed, spelling his clothing off with his wand, and shifting to be under the thick covers, blocking himself out from the world.

He could do this.

He had to.

He couldn't show them that he was broken and down.

He hadn't before, and he wouldn't now.

He was a malfoy. And Malfoy's had pride…

Sighing, he closes his eyes, letting the comfort of the fire and the scent of lavender pressed sheets envelope him to a drowsy state.

His son and his guests would not be here until this evening… and he could use a few more hours of sleep…

One thing that Lucius hadn't counted upon was sleeping for three days straight.

One thing that Lucius hadn't counted upon was worrying Draco… or Potter for that matter…

One thing that Lucius most definitely had not counted upon was a rather irked potions master blasting down his bedroom doors and storming into his quarters to demand what was causing him to be such a prat and make his son worry, whilst all of the 'guests' hovered in his doorway.

And, lastly, one thing that Lucius hadn't counted upon was being incredibly ill at the time that all of this misfortune was combining into one catastrophic event.

"you're burning up," Severus glared at him after he'd seen Lucius shiver.

"I'm fine. I'm a Malfoy. Leave my quarters at once, fix my door, and leave me to my peace," Lucius barked already on the defensive from the shock to his senses and fright that had been stirred up with Severus' actions.

"Boys, out. Draco, fix the door, I'm going to tend to your father," Severus says, clearly leaving no room for debate, and the students readily complied, dashing off to do whatever mischief they were into the first day, now that things were "better".

"Now, Lucius, let me get a look at you. Your Nurse Elf contacted me with worry. She says you aren't eating right, and that you'd have her head if it was anyone but me that she was contacting," he replied smoothly, moving to grab the sheets and pull them down.

"I… she's right, I would have, but that doesn't mean that I'm in need of rescuing Severus. You have your life. You have your issues. I'll be fine… I…" he was cut off as Severus gasped at the sight before him.

"Lucius, you…" The surly potions master was at once for loss of words with the sight before him.

Lucius turns his head to the side, looking away in shame.

"I… what happened?" Severus questions, taking in the myriad of cuts, bruises, scars, fatigue, malnutrition, and several other things within the blonde male's once perfect skin.

"Life. Life happened, nothing more. Now, if you'd please return to me my covers, I'm freezing…" Lucius replies in an attempt to be ascerbic, though he failed miserably as his weakness in the situation shone through.

Draping the covers up over his friend once more, Severus scowls. "What happened…"

"I…It's nothing Severus… it's nothing…"

"Fine," Severus sighs, though he relents, "Drink this, and sleep. You should feel better in the morning…"

"Thank you," Lucius says simply, drifting off immediately after he'd downed the offered potion.

Standing, Severus Snape exits the rooms to ponder what this could all mean…


	2. Chapter 2

_**K_T: wow! I'm so happy I could cry right now! Thank you for reading and reviewing! Here's the new chapter!**_

Cupcakes taste like violence 2

The next morning found Lucius up early, silently moving through the house to his main story library, hoping to not attract attention.

It was still early, and he was still in paranoid mode, and he didn't want to lash out at anyone and do something foolish.

After the first incident with a house elf, they knew not to come to him unless summoned unless they were one of three privileged that knew the boundaries still.

Sighing, he sinks down to the cushions in front of the fire, curling in on himself, and letting the first of many tears to slide down his face, pained sobs wracking his body as he tries to find the way to soothe himself this time. To "heal", or rather, self medicate the wound to his soul that was so ripped he couldn't quite read the ends on his own…

"I've been there," A quiet voice startles him, and he turns to see the intruder, though he can't even slow the silent tears.

It was one, Harry James Potter, sitting on the sofa, who stands to come and sit beside him.

"I… during the war, there was just so much… and then… for that absence, I'd been tortured, you know, beaten, raped, veritaserumed, all of that. It hurt… it _still_ hurts…but… I don't know… talking to someone who can at least somewhat understand helps…" the boy didn't offer any other conversation, and they sat in silence for a while, Lucius composing himself.

Just when Harry thought the man would just ignore him, Lucius shifts slights, sighs, and begins to speak.

"I… Voldemort knew for the past year and a half that I've been a spy for the Ministry since he started going after Draco for the dark mark…" he trailed off, seemingly uncertain, and Harry would have been pleased with just that, knowing that that in and of itself was a leap of faith for the elder male.

"So, he used me to his advantage at first. You know, give me certain information to give to them so that they can fall into a trap, or give them wrong information so that he could do as he pleased… he… ummm… didn't begin to just give me correct information until close to the final battle, when he'd finally lost it completely and was more interested in proving to himself that he was superior face to face, than to think strategically… not that I mind…" Lucius trails off, and the two males are silent in the early, still sleeping house for a long time before harry thinks it time to ask that question that had been hanging in the air for the length of silence.

"How did he keep you?" The smaller male tactfully questioned, and Lucius gave a weak smile and chuckle. No one could have made him even remotefully believe in the past that the Potter boy was more perceptive of others if he hadn't just been able to seen it for himself.

"I… at first it was just promises to leave Draco alone… but then… when Draco decided for himself to bear the dark mark, he went to other methods. Threatening my money, my status, but the blows to my ego were far worse," he sighs, shifting a bit, though drawing his knees closer to his body, " He killed Narcissa in front of me. I wasn't necessarily in love with her, and yet, that had hurt me, and I felt guilty enough to listen obediently for quite some time before it wasn't as effective, so instead, I became his personal inspiration… you know beaten, raped, veritaserumed, all of that. The usual torture was all tried and true to things he'd tried daily and nightly to keep me… weak…" he looks down in self loathing. "I'm pitiful, and disgusting, and I don't deserve to be a Malfoy if I can't even find a way to pick myself up and move forward with my life even after he's gone. And yet… I miss it…" he snorts in disgust, "I'm so pathetic and useless as a person that I actually miss the intrusion of the daily rapings, chanings, beatings… foul words…" He sighs, looking down.

"When was the first time you were topped?" Harry once more intuitively questions the elder male.

"I… was seven… my father came home from a party with a few other crooked men – all fathers of my generation of death eaters – and in their ire, they though I would make for good release. My mother stood on the edge, restrained as they had their way, screaming her head off in horror, especially as I just shut down. I didn't speak for years after that, and she killed herself just before I went to Hogwarts, deeming herself unfit to live if she couldn't even protect her own son," Lucius supplied.

"Any willing lovers?" Harry questioned, now genuinely interested in the male beside him.

"Heh, no… the only one I've ever wanted never wanted me… and I'm not good enough now…" he trails off, staring with glassy eyes into the fire.

"Hmm… so from your first time, to your guilt of 'killing' your mother, to your Hogwarts years, which are notorious, to a marriage with someone that you've never loved, and feeling obligated to try and treat her right, especially once you got Draco, to seeing her killed before you to keep you in check, to being the toy and test subject of the evil one, who's name we won't bother bringing up… sounds difficult," Harry admitted softly.

"I'm a Malfoy, I can handle it…." Lucius is quiet for a while, "I think…" he says more quietly and weakly than he would have liked, and Harry takes the initiative to lean his head against his shoulder.

"You'll be fine," Harry murmurs as they stare into the fire.

After a while of silence, they hear the teens upstairs beginning to stir in their clumsy, rambunctious way, and they both decide to head to the dining room in silent agreement.

As they sit at the table, Harry is to Lucius' right, and they begin to eat, Harry looking disapprovingly at Lucius' plate until he'd deemed that the elder male had enough before he allowed him to begin to eat.

"So, what have you got planned for us to do today?" Harry was asking as they were halfway through their food by the time the rest of the students headed down to breakfast.

" You are all quite old enough that I believe you can keep yourselves entertained, Mr. Potter," Lucius says in a bored drawl that didn't seem so forced this time to Harry who smiled cheekily up at him.

"Yes, but it's much more fun when there is an adult to get us the stuff we can't get on our own," Harry offers.

"Well then ask Severus, I've been summoned to the ministry today…" He offers with a sigh, looking boredly out of the window, completely ignoring all others at the table, much to Draco's displeasure.

He hadn't seen much of his father lately, and the fact the he wasn't even acknowledging his presence was somewhat disturbing.

"I'll be off then," Lucius stands after some time in silent consuming, and heads towards the door, "Draco, don't do anything I wouldn't approve of," he says sternly.

"That means run wild," Harry offered.

"I said wouldn't approve of, not haven't done, Mister Potter. You're in polite company, you could at least _attempt_ to have polite mannerisms and hygiene," he turns and exits, a smirk on his features.

Harry pouted, "hey, did he just educatedly tell me to clean the earwax from my ears?" He questioned, and the other students laughed, even Draco, who seemed to forget instantly about his father's silence towards him.


	3. Chapter 3

Cupcakes taste like violence 3

The ministry office was large, stark, cold, and unfriendly. Without Harry – who's company he was loathe to admit he sorely missed already – there to keep him preoccupied, Lucius found himself fearful, and ready to flee or attack at any moment, eyes constantly roaming those seated around the room with guarded, yet wary eyes.

Fudge clears his throat, tapping a letter in his hand impatiently. "This, is from Dumbledore. The old coot had it sealed until the time that Voldemort's presence could no longer be felt in magical sense. It opened three weeks ago, but we couldn't find you, and you've ignored our summons, leading us to almost believe you were dead, if not for your magical signature still being identifiable, though not exactly easily pinpointed," He clears his throat in agitation, "Anyway, Dumbledore expressed that, despite if we had other plans, once this letter was open, unless you refused, no one else would be allowed access to the headmaster's office, rooms, or records at Hogwarts."

Lucius was mildly stunned, and he wasn't sure if it was because of the old wizard's trust in him, or the fact that he was just … so trusting of someone who'd never been necessarily civil with him, even in his days of schooling, and now the old coot desired for him to take over as headmaster of Hogwarts?

"In other words," a pinch faced woman to Fudge's right intervened his thoughts, "Just say no so that we may find someone suitable." She snidely comments.

"No," She smiles, "I do believe this is just the distraction I've been in need of in the past month…" Lucius continues, causing her face to pinch into a tight scowl, "I'll accept. I thank you Dumbledore, wherever you may be," he turns to exit, already knowing that he'd shocked them all with the added thank you to someone they didn't even know where they were.

Suddenly, he falters, "May I see the letter, if I may?" he turns back to Fudge, who holds it out, and allows him to levitate it towards himself.

Holding the letter, he allows his eyes to scroll over the elegant penmanship of the elder wizard, feeling the admiration that was present with each quill stroke, and was shocked when, on the bottom, it told him to turn it over.

Puzzled, he turned the letter over, "It's blank…" The same sour faced woman from before intones, bringing Lucius to have to struggle not to roll his eyes.

_For your eyes only_

It read, and he smiled at the opening.

_Lucius, this has been sealed using a bit of your magic so that only you may read this section of the letter. I know that it is possibly a difficult decision for you to make, but do know that I have the best intentions in store with this._

_I learned of your situation with the 'dark lord'_

Lucius chuckled at the usage of the quotations on the elder wizard's part,

_It was most tragic indeed, and I'm sure that you could use a distraction whilst you work through what I'm sure will be confliction feelings._

_No better place, than to outsource your uncertainty, and try to make sure that something doesn't happen to someone else?_

_I know, it's not exactly the Malfoy thing to do, but I feel that if Draco can do it, you can at least attempt it._

_Don't call me a meddling old coot, and you should consider speaking with Harry, or Severus. Harry has been through something similar, I suppose, and Severus and yourself have always been close. Speaking will do you some good._

_Take care of yourself, my boy._

_A. Dumbledore_

Lucius folds the letter, and tucks it into his breast pocket.

"I will take my leave then," he announces, heading toward the exit

"I… you cannot take the letter!" The male closest to Lucius stutters out indignantly.

"It was addressed to him, it is his to keep," Fudge concludes, allowing the elder Malfoy to exit.

The Minister had really mellowed out since the deceasing of Dumbledore…

----

Author: Okay! Kinda (really) short! But, it's mostly filler, and stage setting... hope you liked it all the same. Fourth chapter should be up sooner as i'm almost finished with it!


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